Often we see the light that beckons us as darkness because it is so unfamiliar looking. I remember when I went to a Christian conference and the speaker said, ” When you are walking against darkness, it may feel as though you are walking against the light.” So, how does one know? I decided at that conference that this speaker was in a movement that I no longer felt comfortable with and it excluded others from my life. I decided to trust my own heart and insights rather than continue giving my mind over to others.
He didn’t know that his own comment is what “LIGHTED” my exodus out of that movement, and that the very movement he perpetuated was the darkness he was talking about, for ME. I then began looking more deeply at what my own tribe taught. I began to step away so that I could see more clearly because I didn’t at all like what I was seeing in my own life. Sometimes, when we are too close, the lines become very blurred and the stepping back provides a better picture.
Years later, this same man stood before the Christian community and asked forgiveness for leading others astray in that movement. I realized that I could trust my own discernment at a very young age but still I would be drawn in as time passed, to other movements that I would also leave behind.
” Beware lest the “light” in you be darkness, for then how great is that darkness.” ~ Jesus~
For the last eight years I’ve been doing lots of stepping away from many movements. The thing that stands out to me the most is to ask myself what this movement brings up within my own heart, where is the love to be found, and where does the ego show itself mighty? Does it bring about a community of healthy connection or does it isolate and dismantle / disintegrate healthy connections?
The phrase, ” How Are The Connections?” from the Native American Community began drawing me to consider so many things. It was wisdom. When wisdom is embraced, it is like an ornament that one wears around it’s neck. But when does “wisdom” become a stranglehold in ones life ? When does it begin choking the one who wears it? Is one set of wisdom for all time or are there levels?
When we begin our journey’s out of darkness, it is uncomfortable and we may often return to that old place of “familiarity” because we may feel out of control. But, this journey of the lotus flower from it’s place of deep and dark murkiness and rising towards the light of it’s beckoning, brings with it the continual falling away of the dirt and soil it was birthed in. The soil was needed, but growing up into love demands that we leave the soil behind.
I am a Christ follower but I don’t know if I can ALWAYS call myself “Christian” because that label has movements within it that taint my soul and stroke my ego. They are belief systems that now make me cry. They stir up an anxiety and confusion within my heart. There is a westernization in them that has perpetuated a darkness that people believe is LIGHT. A magical thinking that when embraced so deeply stirs up within itself a deep disappointment when the opposite occurs. This can be ANY movement and not just within the Christian community. This “magical” thinking is what a friend I was with yesterday called ” SUPERSTITIONS”. I liked what she said as she is also a Christ Follower and understands my journey out of the walled places.
In my journey out of the Institution, I have met other travelers on their journey’s too. We have parts of the same stories and the telling of them is beautiful. We are calling one another back to our original song that we learned in the very beginning that God is light, and in Him is NO darkness at all. That God is LOVE and that those who dwell in love, actually, really DO, dwell in God.
Sometimes, to allow the uncomfortableness of the MYSTERY is to allow yourself to be MOVED naturally and not try to control the excavation.
The Lotus Blossom doesn’t worry about where the light will take it. It only submits to the light and as it rises all the dark and the early soil of birth falls away. If the lotus were to look back, it would look back with gratitude because it’s birth place too was designed by love. When we look back at where we were birthed, we truly can be grateful for it is in the WHOLE journey that we see that we are being set free. We often “judge the wine before it’s time.”
I am more and more grateful for the sayings of Jesus outside my institutional walls and for all the other speakers of truth as well because there is such a light and wisdom that drives them home to my heart. Somehow, they are all intertwined in this beautiful “connection” and I really can wear them as ornaments while not making them idols.
When something is TRUTH, it will ALWAYS set one free. And truth is truth wherever it is found. God cannot and will not be boxed and controlled by own perceptions.
“Wisdom is justified by her actions.” Proverb
There is always fruit to be seen when love has it’s way. Not all people love or partake of the same fruit. What might be a healthy fruit for one might cause another suffering.
Trusting God is a journey into trusting others and oneself. If it doesn’t feel right for you or taste good, don’t force yourself to partake because of some “should”. But don’t judge anothers’ love for fruit by your own.
|Let love prevail at all times.